The biblical story is well-known: the Lord floods the earth, and the only one who keeps his feet dry is Noah. Our picture of the man, surrounded by vast stretches of watery wasteland, is of a strapping 150-year-old with a flowing white beard. That’s how he is depicted in countless paintings and illustrations. But what if Noah was a small man of round fifty years of age with a big nose and a few scraggly hairs on his chin? What if he bawled out his wife for not covering up her hair, as the modern-day Taliban do with their women? Humorist Ralf König speculates in rhyming couplets about what the real Noah might have been like and puts paid to the romanticized legends of the Bible. This speculative re-envisioning of a timeless story belongs in every secular household.